Stonewall's Ratings

Since you asked (we all know that nobody asked, seeing that I only have forty-five hits), I thought it would be fair to explain my rating system.

Five Stars: Outstanding, I would read this book again (and I rarely read books twice).
Fo' Stars: I liked it and would recommend it.
Tres Stars: Tepid, I finished it, but would not necessarily recommend it.
Dos Stars: I couldn't finish it, or if I did finish it, it was pretty bad.
Uno Star: Don't quit the day job. Yeah, you.

Gallows Thief: Too Much Cricket

I'm a big fan of Bernard Cornwell, which I will explain further in some not too near-term post. Being a fan, I came across a first edition of Gallows Thief and thought I would give it a drive.

Cornwell's fastball is historical fiction, with character depth and interesting plots. Gallows Thief is a stand alone novel, which is rare for Cornwell. He has produced over thirty books in his Sharpe series, six in his Saxon series, three (almost four) in his Grail Quest series, three more in his Arthur series, etc.

Gallows is set around 1820 during the Regency Period. As usual, he does a good job with description, but he switched to more of a mystery/suspense, which is not his fastball, rather than a mini-epic. And I love mystery/suspense, it's just that this one wasn't that great.

Our hero is a famed cricket player and several scenes revolve around this alien sport. Being in the background would have been fine, but I struggled with reading cricket jargon for pages at a time. Overall: too much cricket.

Skip this one and pick up The Last Kingdom, the first in the Saxon series. You'll be glad you did.

Lo siento, Bernie. Gallows Thief: Tres Stars.

The Free Book Freeloader

This is NOT a good cover

A day in the life of a freeloader:

I go to eraderiq.com, click on Free Books then Last 24 hours. Since I have been doing this (maybe a few weeks), new free books have ranged anywhere between 300 - 550 free books/day (this does not include erotica, which they have moved to its own section).

I scroll down the list, keeping an eye out for writers/covers that I recognize from KB. (KB is Kindle Boards, a forum that has a section comprised of (mainly) self-publishing types.) Otherwise, I scan the page looking at COVERS. I’m also picking up titles and authors as I scroll, but mainly the covers. And let me tell you, there are atrocious covers out there. If you have a good one, you are light years ahead.

If I see an interesting cover, I slow down enough to focus a little more on the title/author. Haven’t heard of him/her? Move my cursor over the book and a blurb appears. A couple of intriguing lines? I’ll click on it and it opens in Amazon, where I’ll look at it in more detail after my scrolling. Mediocre start of a blurb? I move on or see how many reviews it has and the average rating (which ereaderiq puts under the cover), but I will generally pass. Novella or short story. I’ll probably pass on those as well.

Now I have several Amazon tabs open. For the most part, I will download a KBer regardless, unless I think you are a butthead. I’ll take a look at the question mark books and decide if there is a chance that I will ever read this thing. Forget about sampling: these are FREE after all. Yay.

So, even for FREE (yay) books, there is still substantial discernment involved.

1) Good cover (go ahead and slap a great cover on it)
2) Good blurb (go ahead and make it great - it’s also fine to be succinct)
3) Reviews (may have an impact)

I go through these steps just for a FREE (yay) book. Think what potential customers consider when they are paying for it.

C’mon, Stonewall, we know this, we read Konrath’s blog, after all. Then why don’t you do it?

Rain Fall by Barry Eisler

Bueno

If you follow the self-publishing movement, invariably you know who Barry Eisler is. If you don't follow the movement, he's the guy that turned down the 2-book deal (putatively worth $500 large) with St. Martin's Press to publish his latest assassin thriller directly. (Since the announcement, I believe it was actually released by Amazon's thriller imprint, Thomas & Mercer.) Voluntarily or not, he has been in the forefront of the self-publishing movement.

Being in the forefront basically means that I have to hear about this guy all the time. And I don't mean to connote that hearing about him is a negative. He has been public about his experiences and that has been a tremendous resource to folks wanting to eschew traditional publishing. He also seems to be sharp. (He was a spook for x years after getting out of law school, or something. The Company tends to not sign up dummies. Paranoid, maybe, but not dumb.)

So, after hearing the sycophants gurgling Barry Eisler, Barry Eisler, Barry Eisler, I decided to test his chops. I picked up his first book, Rain Fall, which originally came out around 2002. I knew it was about an assassin, but I didn't read the blurb, I just jumped in.

About on page 1 or so (right near the top), I discovered that the book was set in Japan. Not one being easily deterred, I was not deterred. He did a nice job helping me keep all of the Japanese place names and vernacular straight without being a pedant. And he's a great writer. With a good plot. And the story was more character driven than ridiculous-thriller-plot-driven.

Cut to the chase: I'd pick up another one of his books. How much better of a rec can I give? Fo' stars, Barry.

Setup on Front Street

Bueno

Good cover. Good characters. Good writing. Good setting. Good formatting. This is the first installment of the Key West Nocturnes series and it was a great introduction. The ending was a little too straight-forward, but not enough to deter me from picking up the next one, The Ghosts of Havana, in the future. Give it a drive for yourself - you'll be entertained. Fo' stars.



wonk wonk wonk ***SPOILER ALERT*** wonk wonk wonk


Our hero gets reunited with a lost love after he gets out of the joint. To make ends meet, she has been throwing leg for cash. This revelation upsets our hero, but he gets over it in about two paragraphs (the only real issue I had with the book).

The Shocker

It’s something that looms over your head since you are old enough to listen. It’s the steak and potatoes of many male stand-up comedian’s shtick. It’s a 10 foot by 10 foot room getting smaller by the second. It’s the Moon River scene from Fletch.  It’s all it is made out to be. It’s not for the faint of heart. It’s The Shocker.

It’s supposed to hit when you’re forty, but I deftly evaded the appointments for a year. Scheduling a business meeting that would force me to cancel it. Making up pitiful excuses. Hell, just canceling the appointment for no reason whatsoever. Except fear.

I finally made it to the appointment, about thirteen months behind schedule, and only then because my wife’s eyes told me she couldn’t be with a man who hadn’t had his prostate checked. Well, her mouth told me that, but same difference. Do it for the kids!

Things went well. Ticker was good. BP was 100/60, which was a shocker (not The Shocker) in its own right. The doc and I had wonderful desultory conversation. I thought I had even talked my way out of it, with my smooth desultory conversation and all.

The Culprit

Smiles were interrupted by the telltale smack of a latex glove on skin. My shoulders sagged. The doc gave me a look that said: “Think of it from my end.” Good point. I assumed the position.

Years of angst, a few seconds of discomfort, and ultimately a clear mind for a year that my prostate was in swell shape. It wasn’t that bad, but keep in mind that I told a friend that my vasectomy wasn’t that bad, and his boys blew up to the size of a grapefruit. Results may vary.

Get yours checked out at a GP near you.